Outdated post - 13th Nov

listening to Sarah McLachlan's Angel..

my trip back home last week leaves me wif lots of 'feel'..

haha.. wat 'feel'? u may ask..

i dunno, hard to explain.. i'll try..

the feel of happiness while enjoyin my mum's cooking;

the feel of satisfaction to be wif my family, even by juz watchin tv and laughing together;

the feel of sadness to see grandma in pain when her sickness strikes suddenly;

the feel of realizing how small i am in helping, effort and ability wise;

the feel of emptiness when all i get in my sms inbox are ad-smses frm maxis and hotlink;

the feel of regret when i din touched any book; (except Facebook)

the feel of anger when i slept til noon everyday, wasting those precious time;

the feel of consolation when mum n 2sis tried to calm me down when my nerves are gettin to me;

the feel of awesomeness to hv some decent meals after all these while of 3.60/3.90 meals;

the feel of 'glee' juz to be at home........

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much, much more feel which i cant describe..

as we get older, feelings get more and more significant, hard to ignore juz how they make an impact in ur heart..

seems like yesterday i was juz

18: enjoyin the time of my life in NS, and

19: nervously gettin ready for stpm, and

20: entering U and going thru orientation week..

somehow i gotta admit that my enjoyable life stops at 20..

people always says uni life is the best time, i hv my own opinion for dat: it's not..

mayb it's coz of my course..

the only exception was my coursemates and the people i meet..

im stil having doubt for me choosing this path.. bio is stil better for me..

nevetheless, there's no point goin on and on twirlling around, i should juz put it down n stop bothering mum.. it's not fair to her.. i noe..

uni life has the worse effect on my health; while wat i conclude from this is dat i lack: self control, discipline and determination..

uni life anyone?? i'll exchange it for something with great value of money..

but i'll most probably regret later on.. haha..

i found my diaries when i was goin through my old stuffs..

childish, is wat i use to describe it.. hahahaha...

but i can see me growing up page by page; i've been on it for more than 5 years!! without me noticing..

why'd i stopped? i guess technology overcame it.. i had my laptop.. then there's blog..

but honestly, my diary pages are more real, i was true to myself..

im not sayin my blog posts aren't real, but rather there're some feelings that i kept concealed..

another thing that i notice is that there's more happiness between the diary pages those past years compared to now..

the phrase "growing up happily" seems like a fairytale after all, as problems come with age..

haha... here i am, complaining like an old grandma..

i should stop whining... i hate it too when ppl do dat..

i should stil keep some hopes..

i should concern more about my family and friends..

i should stop dreaming..

i should.....

i should...

i should.

i should start studying........!!!

note to self: i should start my diary entries again..

people don't always practice what they preach