找回自己。。

最近的心情， 很阴晴不定。。 好讨厌这样的自己。。 心里怎么一直都是有东西压着， 却说不出是什么。。

做了PM， 学了很多。。 也更有想法了。。 不过好像是在逼着自己长大一样， 一直依赖着别人已经是不行了， 得自己做决定的事越来越多。。 有点害怕。。

还是很想家。。 总觉得回到家后一切都会变好。。 好像有点自欺欺人， 是在逃避吧。。咳。。
很久没仔细的看看爸爸，妈妈， 阿嫲，姐， 二姐的脸了。。
姐姐好像十月会回来了。。！ 很期待。。 虽然可能一见面就吵架了。。 哈哈。。
阿嫲， 那时回马六甲答应她下礼拜就会回去， 但是拖到现在还没回去。。 那时没抱抱她， 感觉好像忘了一样事情似的。。 希望这礼拜真的能成功回去。。 不， 一定要回。。

MANUFAC的gatherin。。 明天就是了。。 很怕会冷场。。 毕竟自己并不是搞活动的人，节目不知ok不ok。。 说话主持也不行， 真的很懊恼。。 我这种人最怕做工了， 东西一多就会很stress。。 承认自己得改变这一点。。 每个人都不是完美的， 我得学着接受， 也得接受自己是时候改变态度了。。
希望， 真的希望能成功。。

想法变多了， 不知是好是坏。。？ 感觉以前无忧无虑的自己慢慢从身边溜走了。。 很担心， 也很舍不得。。 人真的不能stay where they are吗。。？

天真无邪， 回来吧。。。。。。。。。。

把寂寞封锁起来。。 它不应该比起其它感觉更明显。。

很累， 很累。。

忙了一个礼拜。。 很累， 很累。。 可是不知道有资格喊累吗。。 因为我知道还有很多比我更累， 更忙的人。。 比起他们， 我做的只是皮毛之事。。
自己对搞活动这方面的认识还不是很深， 做起事来很马虎， 也很随便。。 这也是我正在学习的东西。。 有时会讨厌自己不够成熟， 想得不够远。。 咳。。 看来只能一步一步慢慢来了。。

这个sem， 比以前更更更忙了。。 因为多了些宿舍的活动， 有点开始担心课业了。。 我觉得自己应该要先学习怎么安排时间吧。。 哈哈。。 还有学习抗压； 东西一多我就越想逃避， 越紧张， 是很不好的现象。。 该是时候长大了。。



一个月没回家。。 一回到家就是拿了车便走人； 放了车就回KL。。 有点对不起家人。。 可是没办法， 得跟着大家一起走啊。。 不过家人他们是明白的啦， 只是心里有点酸酸的。。 这个礼拜想回家， 可是这次换爸妈他们去怡保了。。 只好等下个礼拜了咯。。
上了大学后， 好像忽略了他们。。。 真的很对不起。。。。 会抽出时间回去见见他们。。 希望别太忙。。


现在开始要认真了。。 带着开心的心情迎接每件事 - 这是我的目标。。
朋友们， 或许我会有时变得沉默（应该很难才会吧， 哈哈， anyway.. ）， 别担心， 我没事， 只是想让自己静一静而已。。 一切正常。。 嘻嘻。。

加油！！！


4 2268 9248 3673837, 76 46 668464 66

start of something new... (part 1)

im officially a senior now.. haha..

wow.. a lot of things had happen during this 2 months.. n i mean A WHOLE LOT of them...

1stly, i've been away frm home for 1 month to prepare for MHS - Minggu Haluansiswa 09/10.. camps n kursus, preparation, n de week itself took us 1 month.. it was hard to leave home so early compared to others ( my frens had gatherins without me.. *-* )..
but.. after all these had finished, i think it's worth it.. coz i had learned a lot.. a lot... de experience was indescribable..

during my secondary skul times, i was de one standing n hiding behind, i avoided ppl as much as possible, naturally i din join many activities then, so leadership n project-handling was way beyond my thought..
it's only when i went to NS dat some changes are seen in me.. i was gettin more courage n speakin out more..
form 6, to me, was one of the best experience in my life, havin all my best frens wif me..

n now.. frm 1st year in uni til becomin a PM, im gettin more mature in thinking.. hopefully it's not too late la.. =P
sometimes i reali envy those who can see further n those who are more mature.. reali hope that i can be like dat someday n not so shortsighted..
being a PM taught me a lot.. it was reali a mind-opening experience.. n i made lots of new frens.. i've learned dat de 'world is out there'.. haha..
the world doesn't evolve around me, it's full of ppl, each of them wif different personalities n attitude.. being around them makes me see things in a whole new perspective..
it's good.. but bad in a way.. i felt dat im starting to stop believing fully of one's goodness, means that i'll hv doubt in ppl.. which was different frm wat i believe last time - an immature thinking about everyone is kind n good.. in other words, im starting to see reality..

it's hard.. n i noe dat everyone is not perfect, me myself is definitely not perfect.. im stil learning how 2 overcome my weakness, stil learning wat is my weakness, stil learning to do my best, stil learning to have better attitude.. learning, learning n learning...

huh.. at last MHS is over..... it's been a tough week for all of us PMs.. wanted to complain, but i noe dat there are a lot of them, PMs dat were more tired n contributed a whole lot more than me.. so no complains.. =)
hopefully wat i did during the whole week is satisfactory, n din make anyone unhappy..
oh ya.. PMs had their own envelopes for the juniors to make comments.. i had good comments, but there's this one particular comment - 'i think u are selfish'.. juz this line..
it was a bit disappointing lor.. but im wondering wat i reali did for someone to make dis comment.. stil wonderin til now.. mayb i am selfish, but i reali hope to noe, in wat sense.. so dat i can improve myself.. but for now, since i may not noe de answer, i'll try to be better lar.. so dat i wont have regrets..

okie gotta sleep now..




to be continued.....